Talk with Death

Transform your relationship with Death
from terror to partnership

An intensive methodology for people facing serious illness who are exhausted by inspirational advice and ready for brutal clarity.

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Three-week intensive pods of four people. Establish Death as an advisor. Stop performing. Start living truthfully.

I was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour in 2021 after the kind of headache that felt like being burnt from the inside of my skull. I could almost smell the pain it was so intense.

"Whew" I thought when they pulled round the MRI scan on a trolley at hospital. I was looking at a cyst the size of a tangerine and a tumour the size of a golf ball. "Now they know what it is. Now they can fix it."

They couldn't fix it. Not really. They offered me standard of care: surgery, radiation, chemo. But "fix" implies return to normal, and there was no normal to return to. Not now.

Everyone told me to stay positive. Fight. Never give up. Be grateful for every day. Find the silver lining. Keep yer chin up lad!

I tried to. For months, I tried. I played the good cancer patient: my kids, my friends, my family. I pretended to be grateful. I told everyone I was "hanging in there" when really I was terrified and angry and exhausted by having to perform politeness, gratitude, humour for everyone.

So I started searching for something that might actually help with the feeling of dread.

I went through stacks of books. Psychology. Philosophy. Self-help that made me want to throw up. Cancer books full of grim stories. I was looking for something, anything, that could give me emotional release without the inspirational nonsense.

Eventually I found something. In a practice I'd learned years before but never applied to the biggest, most terrifying part of me: Death.

In early December 2021, I started writing letters. Angry letters. To all the people who expected me to be something I wasn't. To doctors who'd delivered news with the wrong expression. To the medical system itself. Pages and pages of everything I'd been holding in.

I didn't send those letters. But writing them discharged something critical: the rage, the fury, the sheer upset with being given this fucking diagnosis.

And then one to Death.

On the morning of 1 January 2022, after weeks of emotional discharge through writing, I thought "OK. Let's have a conversation with this Death person. Let's see what he has to say."

I set up my iPhone's camera and started self-facilitating the process, not knowing if anything would happen.

Death was silent at first. Reluctant to speak.

When he finally spoke, his first words were: "Calm down or you won't be able to understand me. Take a deep breath."

"My first suggestion is you stop performing for everyone." The bastard had nailed me.

And then: "You don't need all this stuff, where you're going. Pack lightly."

"Pack lightly..."

Pack lightly. "Fuck" I thought.

Suddenly I had access to the part of me that had been watching my whole life. He knew every value I'd compromised. Every convenient lie I'd told myself. What mattered versus what was just performance. He knew the difference.

That conversation shifted everything that followed.

Benjamin Dives

My name is Benjamin Dives.

Studying a Masters in clinical Psycho-Neuro-Immunology (cPNI)
A delighted father of 5 (plus 3 stepchildren).
British, currently based in Sheffield.
Highly allergic to the phrase "Everything happens for a reason."

The Work

Personifying Death as an advisor. Not metaphorically. Actually.

This is an ongoing conversational practice. You establish Death as a felt presence. Not a concept, not a meditation object, but an entity you can speak with. You discharge the emotions first (usually through writing). Then you open the conversation. You listen. Sometimes you argue. Mostly you let Death clarify where you're performing old patterns versus what you actually value now.

When this practice works, it's given me clarity about what actually matters versus what I've been performing for others. Permission to drop obligations that were never mine. A way to have difficult conversations I'd been avoiding for years. Daily guidance from an advisor who can't lie to me because he's me. A way to live truthfully with whatever time I have.

This is spiritual work—but not religious, not New Age, not mystical. Spiritual in a specific sense: the capacity to tolerate anxiety without discharging it, sit with ambiguity without resolving it, and hold ambivalence without collapsing into one side. Jungian analyst James Hollis calls these the "Three A's"—and argues that maturity is measured by our capacity to hold them, not escape them. That's what makes the transformation last. Emotion fades. Logic fails. Urgency passes. The spiritual relationship with Death persists.

This isn't therapy, though it can complement therapy. It's not meditation, though it uses similar techniques. It's not positive psychology. It's often the opposite. It's a practice for people who are done performing and ready to face what they've been avoiding.

Who This Is For

I've taught this to people in their twenties and people in their seventies. Terminal diagnoses and chronic conditions. People who are terrified and people who are just tired of pretending.

What they had in common: they'd stopped performing. They were exhausted by inspirational advice. They wanted something that actually worked, even if it was uncomfortable.

This might be for you if you're exhausted by "stay positive" advice that doesn't help. If you're performing gratitude you don't feel. If you're tired of inspirational content that insults your intelligence. If you're carrying relationships and obligations that drain you. If you're living according to others' expectations instead of your own values. If you suspect you're lying to yourself but can't seem to stop.

Or if you want brutal honesty about what actually matters. Clarity on values versus performance. Difficult conversations without pretending. To live truthfully with whatever time you have. A partnership with Death instead of terror. Work that's uncomfortable but real.

I don't know if it's for you. That's what the consultation is for. Sometimes people think they're ready and they're not. Sometimes people are certain they're not but they are. The only way to know is to book a conversation.

What this actually looks like...

Here's footage from 1 January 2022. The first time I used this technique. I'm working with Death as an advisor to speak with my parts. This is what it looks like:

If this resonates (or even if it doesn't quite but you're curious), let's talk about whether you're ready for this work.

The Intensive

This is a three-week intensive programme. You work in a pod of four people going through the same three weeks at the same time. These three other people become your core support structure. The bonds you form tend to last a lifetime.

Pods of 4 for depth and lifelong connection
Three-week intensive format
Join when you're ready

The Three Weeks:

Week One: Disassemble. You and your pod take apart the old identity. The one you've been performing. The one built on others' expectations. This is the death phase. It's uncomfortable. Strong emotions come up. Your pod witnesses it. That's the point.

Week Two: Support. You work closely with your pod. The three other people going through this with you. You support each other. You visit cemeteries and talk about the experience together. You plan your Death Parties (a celebration of Life in its fullness). This week is about integration, witnessing, and forming bonds that tend to last well beyond these three weeks.

Week Three: Rebuild. You and your pod reconstruct yourselves based on the values you've each discovered through dialogue with Death. Not the values you think you should have. The ones Death has shown you actually matter. This is where transformation becomes embodied, and where your pod becomes a permanent part of your support structure.

What You Receive:

  • Death as Advisor – A practice for establishing Death as a felt conversational partner who clarifies values versus performance
  • Emotional Discharge Protocol – Structured writing exercises that release rage, fear, and grief so Death can actually speak
  • Pod Support Structure – Three other people facing mortality who become lifelong witnesses and accountability partners
  • Death Party Experience – A celebration of your life while you're alive to participate, saying what matters to the people who matter
  • Daily Practice Framework – How to maintain dialogue with Death as ongoing guidance, not one-time insight
  • Values Clarification – Distinguishing what you're performing from what actually matters when time becomes finite
  • Integration Materials – Recorded sessions, written exercises, and ongoing access to methodology

Investment

Talk with Death programmes are individually structured based on your specific circumstances, readiness, and needs. Investment typically ranges from £2,000 to £5,000 depending on:

  • Programme format (pod cohort or private intensive)
  • Your timeline and urgency
  • Whether you're working individually or with family
  • Integration with existing treatment or support
  • Cultural or linguistic requirements

This is not cheap. I've priced this work to attract people who are genuinely committed to transformation, not casually curious. The investment reflects intensive delivery over three weeks, dedicated pod support, and methodology that combines clinical psychoneuroimmunology with mortality psychology.

During our consultation, I'll recommend the right programme structure for your situation and provide clear pricing. Most people find the conversation itself clarifying, even before discussing investment.

Not sure if this is for you?

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This work isn't for everyone...

I've turned people away. Not because they weren't good people or lacked serious diagnoses, but because they weren't ready for this specific work. Some needed therapy first. Some were looking for comfort, not clarity. Some wanted a guru, and I'm not that.

This work requires commitment, resources, and readiness to face what you've been avoiding. Not everyone has all three at the same time. That's fine.

I offer 1:1 consultations to assess whether we're aligned. These conversations are direct, honest, and clarifying. I'll ask about your diagnosis, what you've tried, what you're performing, and whether you're actually ready for brutal honesty.

If we're aligned, I'll invite you to join the next cohort. If we're not, I'll tell you that directly and usually suggest what I think you need instead.

Either way, the conversation itself is useful. Most people tell me it was the most honest conversation they've had about their mortality.

Start with the assessment

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Want to understand the full methodology?

The video above shows the practice in action. If you want to understand the theory behind it (why this works, how I developed it, what the framework actually is), I've recorded a longer explanation.

This is 17 minutes. It's not required viewing before booking a consultation, but some people find it helpful to hear the full story and methodology before deciding if this is for them.

After watching, if you're ready to explore whether this work is right for you, book a consultation above.

Help bring this book to life

I'm writing Talk with Death: A Practical Guide to Mortality Partnership — a book that teaches this methodology to anyone who wants to transform their relationship with Death.

Register your interest and you'll receive the first three chapters free. You'll also help shape the final book and receive a free copy (worth £25) when it's published.

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